You can hear it coming. It’s coming like a Train on a track, headed at full speed right towards you. It’s not going to wait for you to leap off the tracks and into the arms of someone who saves. It’ll hit you like a thousand Bricks.
It starts as a feeling in the pit of your chest. There’s an ice cube lodged somewhere in between your lungs, and it’s starting to spread out its icy, frayed edges. It weaves itself throughout your body like the gossamer of a spider’s web, making sure that every single Nerve is reached. Wrapped up. Smothered.
Your whole body is cold, ice cold. Suddenly the silvery, icy threads inside you turn to lead, and you’re sinking, sinking, sinking into the ground. The weight drags down your hands, your shoulders, the corners of your mouth. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest—ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum—as you open your mouth to speak. No words come out. Not a single sound.
You’re being robbed. You have nothing left to protect you. Your Armor is gone; you were stripped of it a long, long time ago. You practically gave it away – what on Earth were you thinking? That you could be lighter without it? More free? That you could cradle the stars, breathe in the galaxies, swim in the Milky Way? You can’t go to Space if you haven’t got your Spacesuit on. You can’t arrive at the Battlefield without your Armor.
Build higher walls. Change your phone number. Change your locks. Change your name. Forget your old life. The Train is coming. The Hurricane is near. You can’t afford to lose everything in the Heat again. Slam the door. Turn the lock. Breathe.
I’ll let you in, but I’m not going to be able to let you out.